Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 6 Comments

Parental Alienation

The foundation poured, the groundwork laid,

Well before you left.

Being stripped of parental authority,

Is the worst kind of theft.

Yelling orders at the children,

Your abuser has the upper hand,

Powerless you stand and watch,

As they heed his every command.

He turns your children against you,

Until you can hardly cope.

Your mother’s love, says don’t give up,

You hang onto your hope.

You finally leave, get custody.

The children are angry and sad.

You listen to their endless chant,

“We want to live with dad!”

And everything that happens,

In your home and in your life,

Is reported and distorted, though

You’re no longer their father’s wife.

The children devour the twisted spin,

He puts on your every word,

Your life becomes hell, as they rebel,

The entire situation absurd!

He convinces the children,

A break from you,

Is a well deserved vacation.

But what they are experiencing,

Is called “Parental Alienation.”

He says, “You’ll get to see the kids.”

The days, the weeks crawl by.

And it becomes apparent,

On his word you can’t rely.

What if it takes years,

Before they even heal from this pain?

Will it forever affect your relationship?

Your fears drive you insane.

Your only hope is that the court,

Will figure it all out.

But in the meantime your heart aches,

Your head is full of doubt.

You spend all your time “Nesting”,

Readying your home,

For when your children come back,

But for now you’re all alone.

While in a store,

A small voice, shouts out for his “Mom”,

Your emotions soar, you turn to look,

Trying to remain calm.

This occurs so frequently,

It’s such a mental game,

You try to resist answering back,

Calling out your child’s name.

Of course it’s not your child,

And you begin to cry.

How could he keep your children from you?

And the endless question, why?

The thought that keeps on churning,

Your deepest, darkest fear,

You’ll never see your children again,

And they won’t even care.

You can’t stop thinking of them,

You lie awake in bed,

Are they happy, safe and cared for?

Are they healthy and well fed?

If you’ve never been there,

It’s so hard to explain,

Estranged from your own children,

Yet in your heart they still remain.

And yet it is so common,

It happens everyday,

Using innocent children,

For control, to get his way.

The damage to the children,

Runs so very deep,

Pains them for a lifetime,

Into their words and actions it will creep.

So if you are a parent,

Going through divorce,

Hear my words, your child’s life,

Needs a stable, loving course.

“Children need the love of BOTH parents.”

This is tried and true,

Children deserve nothing less,

Than the BEST of BOTH OF YOU!

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com

Surrender

My children are angry,

they yell, cuss and fight.

Won’t respond to my reasoning,

say I’m wrong and they’re right.

They place blame on each other,

it’s an ongoing war.

From threatening to hitting,

to slamming their door.

Can’t get them to cooperate,

they won’t listen to me.

I’m living in chaos,

as stressed as can be.

When I try to discipline,

they don’t even hear it.

Disrespect and name calling,

I can no longer bear it!

The most heartbreaking thing,

the ironic part…

I left an abusive marriage,

to get a fresh start.

“Not doing my homework.”

“Can we go to the mall?”

“My parents have split,

nothing matters at all!”

I’m at my wits end,

what I’m doing isn’t working.

As I’m losing ground,

they’re standing there, smirking.

All the love I can give them,

won’t fix this mess.

Have to find a solution,

can’t settle for less.

I have an idea though seemingly, slight,

I’m giving up the battle,

done joining their plight.

Not sure how this happened,

through pure luck or exhaustion.

I take the first step,

proceeding with caution.

I’m all out of options.

I’m not gonna lie.

Nothing else has worked,

so I’ll give this a try.

I make a decision to change,

it’s all I can do.

Where this is leading,

I haven’t a clue.

The children are puzzled,

but continue to test.

My new calm demeanor,

puts some issues to rest.

Hey, maybe this is working,

and I’ll finally know,

if my parenting skills

are starting to flow.

And to my surprise,

the tide starts to turn.

With some wind in my sails,

I’m ready to learn.

I gradually start,

implementing a plan.

My confidence soars,

I’m my own biggest fan.

Although saving the children,

was my only intention.

the ways I helped myself,

are too many to mention.

In retrospect now,

it’s so easy to see.

To transform my children,

first I have to change me.

Posted on April 8, 2017April 8, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 11 Comments

Questioning The Content of Women’s Magazines (Here is a speech I gave in 2014)

	What Topics Are Important to Women in Magazines and Who Decides?
Speaking of Women Speech – Monroe, Connecticut 2014

This is a controversial post especially because I am a writer, yet I stand by my statements below. Women deserve better and more intelligent content. Trust us, we can handle it.

The other day, my very sweet, 84-year-old neighbor Madeline gave me a stack of magazines she thought I might enjoy reading. As a divorced Mom of 3 boys, I don’t have a whole lot of time to read but I appreciated the gesture and graciously accepted the magazines. I shuffled through the neatly stacked pile of current, consecutive issues of “Woman’s World Magazine.” Woman’s World Magazine was started in 1988 and is a weekly supermarket magazine aimed at a target audience of middle-class moms. It has held the title of most popular newsstand magazine, and continues to be the best-selling women’s publication with a circulation of 1.5 million readers, generating $15 million in annual revenue. Curiously, I scanned the magazine covers looking for articles of interest, wondering what topics are important to women in 2014. Here are just a few…

REVERSE SKIN AGING WITH PEANUT BUTTER!

MELT 12 LBS WITHOUT DIETING!

FOODS THAT STOP SKIN AGING!

MELT FAT! BURN OFF 6 LBS THIS WEEKEND!

MASSAGE SECRETS THAT MAKE HAIR GROW!

BEAT YOUR “FAT GENE!”

LOOK YOUNGER AND SLIMMER!

MASSAGE AWAY AGING!

LOSE 75 LBS WITH DR OZ!

CURE HAIR LOSS!

LOSE YOUR BELLY! MELT OFF 53 LBS!

5-MINUTE FACELIFT!

ULTRA-SLIMMING DIET SOUP! LOSE 8 LBS A WEEK!

THINNING HAIR SPECIAL!

RELEASE BELLY FAT!

STYLING TRICKS THAT HIDE THINNING HAIR!

DRINK RED WINE AND LOSE 30 LBS! (I think I’ll have to check into that!)

And my favorite….BETTER THAN DIET PILLS! MELT OFF 152 LBS!!! I Googled the average weight of the American woman…160lbs. So, the “BETTER THAN DIET PILLS” diet would basically get you back to your original birth weight of 8 LBS. It’s no wonder there are so many articles about hair loss and thinning hair!

And last, but not least, the insightful article entitled:

“SURPRISE DISCOVERY, EASY FIX: WHY YOU’RE SO TIRED!”

Well, I’m exhausted just reading that!

It saddens me to think that these are the topics, the issues, that encompass being a woman in a “Woman’s World” today.

The local news media paints a different picture of current woman’s issues…

On March 22, 2014, in Bridgeport Connecticut, Tinese Benson was found on her bathroom floor, fatally stabbed by her boyfriend. She leaves behind a young son.

On April 25th, 2014 in Milford Connecticut, 16-year-old Jonathan Law High School student, Maren Sanchez was stabbed to death by a male classmate, just hours before her junior prom.

On May 7th, 2014, Lori Gellatly’s estranged husband entered her parents home in Oxford Connecticut at 5:30AM, armed with a gun. Lori Gellatly was killed and her mother, Merry Jackson, was seriously injured in a double shooting…the day before Lori’s husband’s restraining order hearing.

During a domestic dispute on July 6th, 2014, Kiromy Fontanez was shot and killed by her boyfriend. Her 5-year-old daughter was in the home at the time of the shooting.

On September 8^th, 2014, a video surfaces of Baltimore Ravens running back, Ray Rice delivering a crushing blow to Janay Palmer’s face, knocking her out cold.

These are just a few examples of the thousands of heartbreaking, senseless, violent crimes against women in our society. As a survivor of domestic violence, these stories sit with me like a lead weight in my stomach. I find myself carrying them in my thoughts and in my heart the entire day. And I ask myself, “What’s wrong with this world? What’s happening in our society and our schools? What’s changed?”

Maybe the question isn’t what has changed…but how can we change it? Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” I love that! I have even posted it on my Facebook. Click. Share. Maybe you have too. But how do we accomplish changing the world? It seems like a tall order and an insurmountable task. Now, I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know, all great change begins with one small step.

After leaving an abusive marriage, 4 years ago, I found my life swirling in turmoil. In the year and a half leading up to my divorce, my abuser sent me over 2,000 text messages, called my place of employment, stalked me and harassed my family. It took me 3 attempts to obtain a restraining order and I quickly filled an entire milk create with forms and court documents. Fearful, stressed and in dire straights financially, I pushed myself to make the phone calls, get to the appointments, fill out the endless paperwork, attend the court dates and find a pro bono attorney. The system that is currently in place to help victims of domestic violence left me feeling like I had another full-time job. Frustrated and depleted from the entire experience, I knew there had to be a better way, that something had to change. The Family Justice Center is the solution to changing a far too complicated system.

By offering services under one roof, The Family Justice Center is a not only going to change lives, it’s going to save lives. Statistically, Family Justice Centers increase victim safety, increase prosecution of offenders, and reduce homicides. It is time to unite our resources, whether it be the police, political officials and or community based advocates to streamline the steps it takes for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault to obtain restraining orders, acquire civil legal services, get counseling, advocacy, education, empowerment, emotional support, shelter, safety, employment planning and child care.

Ironically, all of the articles featured on the covers of Woman’s World magazine are about change…changing your hair, changing your diet, changing your weight. Now, I’m not suggesting that Woman’s World Magazine should feature cover stories about domestic violence, but the fact that they continue to publish and sell a magazine that consists of a variation of the same articles week after week for 26 years, confirms that their avid readers aren’t successfully making the changes this publication boasts of. Maybe we as readers all innately know that superficial changes aren’t the changes that matter, or the changes that Mahatma Gandhi spoke of.

The next time you turn on your television, or car radio and hear, or read in the newspaper or online, yet another horrific story of domestic violence…if you find yourself carrying it like a dark cloud and if you’ve asked yourself the same questions that I have, “What’s wrong with this world? What’s changed?” take a minute to think about how you can “be the change.” Maybe, you’ll talk to your son about how he should treat women, or explain to your daughter that love is respect, or maybe you’ll be inspired to call The Center for Family Justice and volunteer your time, or ask a co-worker how she got that bruise on her face…or maybe, you’ll take that one small step and forgo your morning Starbucks coffee, or latest magazine purchase and make a donation in that amount, to a local domestic violence organization in the name of yet another, Tinese Benson, Maren Sanchez, Lori Gellatly, Merry Jackson, Kiromy Fontanez or Janay Palmer…

And maybe, you will never know the lives your small gesture changed, or the people who you helped….or maybe, you’ll find that a family member, co-worker, friend or neighbor benefited from the best domestic violence services available, like The Family Justice Center, and you’ll be glad you did.

Posted on April 7, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 1 Comment

Why Is It So Dark?

These days, I’m mostly resting in bed with a book or a computer on my lap. I tore a ligament in my knee eleven days ago and this has become my new norm. My boys come in and out of my bedroom often, with questions or just to see how I’m doing.

And, yes they yell “Mom!” from the bottom of the stairs that lead to the third floor when they want to ask me something but they’re too lazy to make the trek.

My son, Kevin is here for a visit from Long Island. I am always happy to see him, but this ultimately leads to late nights for all of my boys.

Last night was one of those nights.

Today when my fifteen year old son, Marc returned from school, he was so tired that he went straight to bed. Kevin and Rocky went out and John went to visit his mother after he had finished preparing dinner.

Finally, peace and quiet.

I read for a while then decided to take a short nap.

I awoke to the sounds of the shower running. It is not abnormal for my boys to shower at whatever time of the day or night that the desire hits them.

I glanced at the clock, 7:00 PM.

I picked up my book and started to read, then paused as I saw Marc pass by in the hallway and disappear into his bedroom.

I went back to my book.

A few minutes later I saw Marc exit his bedroom, fully dressed and then I heard his sneakered footsteps going down the stairs. I called out to him, “Marc where are you going?”

No reply.

There were some banging sounds coming from the kitchen below. Then Marc yelled up, “Mom, there is chicken and rice on the stove but where is the low carb chicken that John said he would make for me?”

(Note: My three boys are constantly pairing workouts with all sorts of different diets and it’s enough to drive anyone who does the grocery shopping and the cooking right over the edge. This week Marc is going to the gym and eating a low carb diet…translation, there will be no protein left in the house for anyone else.)

“Marc, I can’t go down the stairs. You’re going to have to look around and find the separate meal that John made for you.” I yelled loudly, so that Marc could hear me.

Five minutes later Marc was back in my room. “I can’t find it. Can you Google how many carbs there are in rice?”

I grabbed my phone.

“Forty-six grams.” I stated

Marc replied, “Can’t have that.” and went back downstairs.

(Sigh. Insert eye roll here.) Back to my book.

Then, from the floor below, “Mom, Can you call John and ask him where he put my chicken?”

God forbid this kid ingests a piece of rice. I sent John a text about the location of Marc’s chicken. He immediately replied.

“Marc,” I yelled, “Your grilled chicken with a side of vegetables is in the oven.” (I know, who would have thought to look there.)

Time to reread the same sentence in this book that I read four times before.

Some time passed before Marc was back in my room. I assumed he was downstairs eating his dinner.

I asked, “So, how was your chicken?”

“I packed it.” Marc stated

Before I could ask why he packed his dinner, Marc stared out the window, looking confused. It was then that I noticed that he was wearing a lightweight jacket.

“Mom, why is it so dark?” Marc asked

“What do you mean, why is it so dark? It’s 7:45 PM.” I said

“It is? I just got up and got ready for school. Didn’t you hear me in the shower? And, I packed my own lunch.” Marc said

“Well, if it was twelve hours from now, you actually would have made the bus!” I laughed

Marc sighed and walked out of the room. I guess he didn’t find it as amusing as I did. Let’s see if he can make the bus on time tomorrow…

My life, I swear…

Posted on April 5, 2017April 6, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 13 Comments

Time to Drop the Blogging B.O.M.B.

Wait! Don’t take cover yet. I promise that no one is going to get hurt.

I don’t have an actual bomb…I’m just using the word bomb, so you can all relax.

According to Urban Dictionary, here is the top definition of the word

BOMB

(before 1997) Something really bad; a failure
(after 1997) Something considered excellent and/or the best (uses modifier “the”) “the bomb”

So I guess based on the above, this post could go either way. We all want to have a blog reflective of definition #2. Hell, we all want to have a life reflective of definition #2, so even if you’re not a blogger, please read on.

Seeing that it’s 2017, I’ve decided to go with the post 1997 definition and drop my blogging B.O.M.B.

Basics

Beliefs

THREE BASICS OF MY BELIEFS ON BLOGGING

Accomplishment – Nothing feels better in life or motivates and propels you forward like accomplishment. Blogging requires a lot of time and commitment. The more you blog, the more you want to blog. Momentum in life is everything. Just keep moving forward with your eye on your goal no matter what.
Community – There is certainly no happiness in going it all alone. The blogging community is a virtual world of knowledge and inspiration. Just like life, you need to make connections and build relationships to enrich your experience and grow as a writer, as well as a person.
Perspective – I started out thinking that I was writing for myself. What I learned is that writing for others to share your perspective, your ideas, your humor and your thoughts is a way of giving of yourself and giving back. The sooner you give up any self-doubt, ego or competitive nature the easier it will be to find (and truly own) your unique voice and share it with the world.

I’ll leave you with this quote by Colin Powell

Blogging is a journey. Have patience and enjoy the ride,

Erin Cooper Reed

What are your beliefs about blogging?

Posted on April 2, 2017April 6, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 8 Comments

The Center of Things

I originally started my blog in June of 2016, after only three years of talking about it. One of my first posts was called “Boys, Boys, Boys.” It is a very funny story that unfortunately took place when my father was ill. While I was typing on my laptop, I inadvertently hit something that deleted a good part of my post. I was frustrated and told myself that I would get back to it. Now, if you’re a writer and this has ever happened to you, I know you understand the feeling of not wanting to go back and recreate something you already created.

Well, that was June, the months pasted. (July, August, September) and I never got back to it. My family and friends kept asking me again and again if I was writing. “I know, I’m going to.” I’d reply. (October, November, December) My fiance’ John would encourage me to write…I would say I was going to and then I wouldn’t do it. I think it was certainly the idea of recreating what I had already written, but it was more revisiting a very difficult time in my life when my dad was dying.

One day in January, my mother sent me a book called Write For Life by Sheppard B. Kominars, PhD.

As I opened the book and flipped through the pages, I found a paper tucked in the back. I unfolded the paper to reveal the title, “The Center of Things.” I read the article out loud and by the time I got to the end I was crying. The Center of Things was the column that my late Aunt Betty wrote for a New Hampshire newspaper.

I called my mother and asked her if she knew that a copy of one of Aunt Betty’s columns was tucked in the book that she gave me. My mother had no idea, in fact, my mother told me she had two copies of Write for Life. She told my sister that she could take whichever one she wanted and the one that was left was for me.

After I hung up the phone, I couldn’t stop thinking about what my mother said. How could it be that I got the copy of the book with Aunt Betty’s column in it? My Aunt Betty was an amazing person and a wonderful writer. She had a great sense of humor and it certainly came through in her writing. When I was living in North Carolina, we used to talk on the phone and we would email each other things that we each had written. Aunt Betty took such pleasure in reading my stories (and I in hers). She would tell me that I was talented and she encouraged me to write more. I love my Aunt Betty and I miss her so much. What I wouldn’t give to have that time with her back. That night, I fell asleep with thoughts of my Aunt.

I woke up and looked at the clock, 3:33 AM. I was wide awake. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn’t. Now this may sound a bit out there to some of you, but it is said that the best time to connect with spirit is between 2 and 4 AM. This crossed my mind. Why did I suddenly wake up? I mean, I am not a light sleeper and I enjoy my sleep. If you’re thinking I’m a little off my rocker at this point, let me just go ahead and tip the rocker right over…It also hadn’t gone unnoticed to me that the numbers on the clock were 3:33. It is said that 11:11 and times with repeating numbers are angel signs, I thought.

Feeling like I was over thinking things and maybe feeling a bit crazy and unsettled, I grabbed the book my mother had sent and began to read. As I read Write for Life, I was fascinated with what it had to say about the power of writing and all of the positive affects it can have on a person’s health, well-being and life.

After I completed the first chapter I closed the book and sat in silence. It was so calm, so still and so quiet in the house this time of the morning.

I slowly opened my laptop, hit the power button, logged into my blog site, and began to write. I finished writing Boys, Boys, Boys and I wrote several more posts in the days that followed.

I have always believed that there are no coincidences in life. I also believe that my beloved Aunt Betty is always there cheering me on, encouraging me to write.

And here’s some food for thought…

Take time to notice and even act on the coincidences that life presents, you may be surprised by the places that they lead you,

Erin Cooper Reed

Posted on April 1, 2017April 1, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com

It’s All In The Details

When Kevin was three years old and attending preschool he was a die-hard Toy Story fan. I mean, he watched Toy Story over and over again, owned all of the action figures and talked about it incessantly. Often when the phone rang, I answered it to find yet another salesperson on the line. I would hear Kevin’s tiny voice on the other extension. While Kevin was babbling on about Buzz Lightyear, I would quietly hang up my extension and laugh to myself. After repeatedly asking to speak to an adult, to no avail, the salesperson would abruptly hang up. It didn’t take too many sales calls for Kevin to believe that these calls were for him and for me to realize that I had my own personal call-screener.

Of all the Toy Story characters, Buzz Lightyear was by far Kevin’s favorite…and why wouldn’t he be? I mean, Buzz Lightyear is cool, he is a toy space ranger and he believes that he could do anything that the “real” Buzz Lightyear in the actual movie could do…like fly and shoot lasers. Buzz Lightyear is a leader who is brave and has courage. He believes that following the rules is the way people should live. Most of all, Buzz believes in himself. Not a bad role model.

The morning of Kevin’s fourth birthday he woke to a giant painted, wooden Buzz Lightyear sign on the front lawn, that I had order for the occasion. It read “Happy 4th Birthday Kevin!” We went outside and I took some photos of Kevin standing with the sign, imitating Buzz’s position, both hands on hips. I was elated and proud of myself for renting the sign and making Kevin’s birthday special. (Add good mom props here).

It wasn’t until we went back inside that I realized that Kevin wasn’t so happy.

Me: “So buddy, do you like the sign?

Kevin: “Not really.”

Me: “Not really??? ($$$ Ugh!)

Kevin: “No.”

Me: “Why not? You have Buzz Lightyear on your front lawn?”

Kevin: (looking sad) “It’s just the colors are all wrong.”

Me: “What do you mean wrong?”

Kevin: “Well, first of all, his waist is supposed to black. The buttons on his chest are blue, green, red…

As Kevin went on, I grabbed a toy Buzz Lightyear from a nearby chair and ran to look out at the lawn sign through the front door. I’ll be damned, the kid is right.

So, what did I do? Being that this was my first-born son who was obviously upset on his 4th birthday…I did what any other red-blooded, doting, well-intentioned, frantic mother of an unhappy four-year old on his birthday, would…I called the lawn sign company. Immediately. Then I put Kevin right on the phone.

I stood in amazement (staring at the toy Buzz Lightyear in my hand) while four-year old Kevin perfectly described every detail and every color of Buzz Lightyear’s suit to the lawn sign man on the other end of the phone.

Kevin: “He wants to talk to you, Mommy.”

Lawn Sign Man: (seeming a bit nervous and certainly blown away by his conversation with a four-year old) “Hi ma’am. I don’t even know what to say. We never had a complaint like this before. I think our artist painted that sign using a Disney Burger King bag as a guide. I guess Burger King only prints their kid’s meal bags using a few colors.”

Me: (Speaking as if this is the most unjust thing I had ever experienced) “Well, I just wanted to make you aware that the colors are not right so this doesn’t happen to another child again.)

Lawn Sign Man: “I am so sorry. I’ll take care of it right away and I’ll be sure to check the authenticity of our other signs. By the way, that’s some kid that ya got there.”

Me: “I appreciate it and thank you, I know.”

In retrospect, it’s a funny story now. Especially my own reaction being what it was. If this situation had happened with my third kid, I would have been like, “Just shut up and have a cookie.”

Yet, I think that Kevin was onto something, there’s a lesson in here for all of us. It is all in the details…they matter more than you think. If you stop and pay attention to the details, in your work, your relationships and in your life, it will show in the big picture.

I’ll leave you with this quote by Sanford I. Wiell

To infinity and beyond,

Erin Cooper Reed

Posted on April 1, 2017April 1, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 1 Comment

Happy April 1st! Who Even Reads A Blog Post Without A Picture Anyway?

In the spirit of April First’s unofficial, yet globally known holiday, here is my April Fools’ Day post.

I am aware that blogs that have a photo are more likely to be read. Let me just say, I couldn’t care less. The fact is, the majority of readers care more about the photo than they do about the actual article. In fact, it has been proven time and time again, that most people will hit “like” without even reading the damn post or comment without ever reading the damn article. This is actually a huge relief to me, as I can say whatever the hell I want to and no one will be the wiser. I’m totally considering confessing some of my deepest, darkest secrets right now…I mean, hell, why not?

But seriously…HAPPY APRIL FOOLS’ DAY! This is just an example of an April Fools’ Day joke that NPR played three years ago in 2014. Here is an excerpt of their prank by Jeffery Patterson of The Desert News, March 31, 2017

ENTERTAINMENT

The best April Fools’ Day pranks in history

Posted 6:00 a.m. today
Updated 6:05 a.m. today

By Jeff Peterson, Deseret News

2014: Why doesn’t America read anymore?

Proving some troubling points about the way news stories are digested these days, NPR pulled one of the great April Fools’ pranks when it posted a fake article with a headline designed to elicit a response: “Why doesn’t America read anymore?”

For anyone who took the time to click on the headline and see what the article was about, this is what they would have found:

“Congratulations, genuine readers, and happy April Fools’ Day! We sometimes get the sense that some people are commenting on NPR stories that they haven’t actually read. If you are reading this, please like this post and do not comment on it. Then let’s see what people have to say about this story. Best wishes and have an enjoyable day.”

And so, my dear readers, Congratulations and Happy April Fools’ Day from My Life I Swear! If you have read this entire blog post, please “like” but don’t comment.

Consider it an online social experiment.

Best wishes and have an enjoyable day,

Erin Cooper Reed

P.S. – Just for the hell of it, here’s your damn photo! Image result for images of tongue sticking out

Posted on March 31, 2017May 3, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 4 Comments

I Know Exactly How You Feel – The Power Of Empathy

I’m not feeling very funny today…and that’s okay. (Don’t worry, I’m sure that my sense of humor won’t be able to help but rear its sarcastic head.) Having a lot of down time (with my injured knee up) has given me time to reflect. I have spent the last two years helping my widowed mother through all kinds of ailments, most recently healing from a bad fall and prior to that, multiple hip replacements.

My mother has done, and continues to do so much for me that it is always my pleasure to give back and be there for her when she needs me. Now, my mom is one strong Polish girl! She has beaten cancer more than once, recovered from broken bones and did the hard work that it took to regain her mobility after not one, but two, hip replacements. All the while my mother remained positive, never complained and found humor during the entire process. God, I respect that about her! In fact, everyone does.

As I lie in bed writing this post, I think that now I really understand how my mom felt and some of what she had to endure.

RING

Mom: “Hello.”

Me: “Hi, Mom.”

Mom: “How are you feeling?”

Me: “Like I need a shower and I don’t know how I’m going to take one if I can’t walk or stand up. I’m miserable.”

Mom: “Remember I couldn’t take a shower right away after my hip surgery? I’ll send over my shower stool. Oh, and put a hand towel on the seat, it’s really hard plastic.”

Now, I’m thinking that I’ve got a lot more cushion on my backside than my 96 pound mother does…but mom knows best.

Me: “Okay I’ll put a hand towel on the seat. Good idea, but I don’t know how I’m going to get my leg over the side of the tub.”

Mom: “I put my good leg over first, than my bad leg second.”

Me: “Thanks mom. I love you.”

Mom: “Love you too. You can do it! Go take a shower, you’ll feel better. Good luck.”

RING

Me: “Hi, Mom.”

Mom: “How did you know it was me?”

Me: “I have caller ID Mom.”

Mom: “Oh, that’s good. How are you feeling?”

Me: “I’m in a lot of pain. Still a half an hour left until I can take my pain medication.”

Mom: “You know, you should take the pain medication fifteen minutes to half an hour before the last pill wears off, that way you won’t be in pain until the next pill kicks in.”

Me: “Wait a minute. I think I remember telling you that when you were taking pain medication for your hip.”

Advice. Easier to give then apply to one’s own situation.

Mom: “You probably did. Just try it. In fact I’ll let you go so you can take it now. Love you.”

Me: “Thanks. Love you too mom. Call you Later.”

It’s funny how all the things that my mother endured are coming back to me, yet I’m seeing them from a new perspective. Her perspective. It got me to thinking about the power of empathy and doing a little research. I came across this video on Empathy by Brene’ Brown. It’s worth the 2 minute 54 second view. (She’s funny too!)

You can also follow Brene’ on twitter:

Brené Brown (@BreneBrown) · Twitter

https://twitter.com/BreneBrown

I think my knee injury has taught me a great lesson about the power empathy. It is one thing to care about your loved ones suffering (Sympathy). It is another to feel their suffering (Empathy).

Having to deal with similar challenges in the process of healing my injury lead me to feel what it was like for my mother to overcome the same hurdles. Right now I feel closer to my mom than ever…and that’s the beauty of empathy, it breeds deeper connections.

Setbacks in life always have hidden blessings…you just have to take a moment to recognize them.

Erin Cooper Reed

Posted on March 29, 2017March 30, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 5 Comments

My Easter Shoe Shopping Bandits (Pre-Easter Antics Part 2)

On a warm, sunny April afternoon, back in 2007 (when My family and I lived in Charlotte, North Carolina) I loaded my boys into the minivan in hopes of tackling the buy one, get one half off sale at our local Payless Shoes Store. My boys went through sneakers at such a rate that taking advantage of a sale was the only way that I could keep them in shoes. Kevin was ten years old, Eric (aka Rocky) was eight and Marc had just turned five. As I write this I miss the pre Jordan and Lebron sneaker shopping days that were much easier on my wallet than they are today with a house full of picky, fashion minded teenagers.

When we arrived at Payless the parking lot was packed. Wow, this must be some sale I thought, forgetting that it was the Sunday before Easter. Once inside I noticed the store was filled with kids…little girls in their “Sunday Best”, straight from church hoping to select the perfect Easter shoes to wear on Easter Sunday. Charlotte is located in the bible belt where people take dressing up for church very seriously, I thought, but I was here on a mission to get my boys new sneakers.

Of course my excited boys went in three different directions scanning the racks of sneakers while calling out to me, “Mom, what size am I?” I struggled to help all three simultaneously, yet somehow managed to get everyone situated with a pair of sneakers to try on.

Kevin was being particularly selective as he had outgrown the appeal of the sneakers with popular Disney characters and super heroes. This was surely going to be Kevin’s last year of shopping at Payless Shoes.

As soon as I finished helping Rocky find the correct size, checking where his big toe was in his shoes and tying Marc’s sneakers, they both took off like a flash. They began running around the crowded and busy store, weaving in and out between the shoppers. I called theirs names to no avail and then resorted to chasing them both down, grabbing each one by the arm.

“Boys, you can not run around in the store!” I instructed.

“But Mom, we just wanted to see if our sneakers were fast enough…” Rocky replied.

“Well, obviously they are,” I stated. “No more running in the store. Let’s go find Kevin.”

To my surprise, Kevin had actually found a pair of sneakers that he liked and a second pair of shoes (Shoes that, unbeknownst to me, he would later glue wooden blocks onto to appear taller to a girl he liked).

Perfect, three pairs of sneakers, one pair of shoes, two pairs half price. I was aware that people were staring at us. I just wanted to get to the check out and get out of this crowded store.

The lines were long and I couldn’t wait until it was our turn to check out. Shopping with three kids was exhausting and I certainly had had enough. The boys put their shoes on the counter. Finally. It was almost over. As the cashier rang up each item, I watched to make sure the second pair of shoes rung up at half price. I paid, completed the transaction and turned to hand the boys the pile of bags.

They were nowhere in sight.

Oh God, where are they? “Kevin, Rocky, Marc!” I yelled directing everyone’s attention to me. I paused to slide my bank card into my wallet.

When I looked up, there they were. Kevin, Rocky and Marc standing at the front of the store with purses hanging on each of their bent arms and peds stockings over their heads and pulled down over their faces.

What in God’s name? They looked like they were about to rob the place. It crossed my mind to just pretend I didn’t know them…that they weren’t MY kids. Nah, too late, there wasn’t a person in the store that didn’t know that I was their mother.

I dragged an armful of bags off of the counter as I approached my boys.

“What are you doing? Take those peds off of your faces!” I demanded.

“What are peds?” Rocky inquired.

“Peds are small stockings that cover your feet so you can try on shoes if you’re not wearing any socks,” I heard myself say.

The boys stared at me as if what had I said made no sense. Never mind.

“But they’re free!” Marc blurted out.

Kevin added, “Yeah, they have little boxes of them at the end of every aisle.”

As they began taking the peds off, I noticed that not only were the purses that they were holding stuffed with peds, so were all of their pockets.

“And put ALL of those back!” I ordered as the show came to an end and the crowd of onlookers began to disperse.

When we got finally got in the car I said, “Well I guess we won’t be shopping at Payless again,” as I turned the key to the ignition.

“Thank God,” Kevin mumbled.

“Why not?” Rocky asked. “It was fun! I like that store!”

“Me too!” Marc replied.

I didn’t answer. In fact I didn’t say a word.

My Life, I swear…