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Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 2 Comments

The Eye of the Storm

Sometimes we find ourselves totally unprepared for what life throws at us. There is no forewarning, no current of change, no inkling of the storm that is brewing along the horizon.

And then, there we are standing dead center, in the eye of the storm.

We realize that the saying “Life can turn on a dime” exists for a reason… because it is true.

Maybe it is any injury, or a breakup, an illness or the loss of a job or a loved one. Whatever the storm may be, the eye of it is the devastating life change that turns your world upside down.

The enormity of the situation finally sets in. You go through an array of emotions, shock, confusion, fear, anger, depression, anxiety, uncertainty… then innately, you realize that you have no choice but to face it.

Acceptance is the first step in regaining your ground.

Slowly you learn to cope with your new circumstances without even realizing that coping is the second step in embracing change.

So where do you go from here?

This is the part where your adaptability, courage and resilience takes you places you would never have dared to go if wasn’t for the storm and the eye of the storm that catapulted you to where you now reside.

Maybe through your experience, you find a cause that you are passionate about.

Maybe you have an interest in sharing your experience and helping other people who are dealing with a similar situation.

Maybe you are inspired to create in the form of the written word, art or even an invention.

And maybe, you realize that the storm, the turn of a dime that you saw as a setback, is the exact circumstance that gave you the opportunity to see things from a different perspective.

A perspective that not only leads to beautiful and unexpected paths but ultimately leads you to grow and thrive.

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com

Let’s Get It All Out There

I have posted some of the domestic violence poetry that I have written through the years. It is about not only what I have personally been through, but what I have endured and who I have become.

Let’s just get it all out there.

There really isn’t a market for domestic violence poetry…but there are people who connect to it and feel inspired.

If I never accomplish another thing in my life but to move and inspire just one person who is struggling, it will all be worth it.

So, there it is .

My past. My pain. My growth.

I have shared with you the depths of my soul.

Take with you what you will and what you need…

I am glad that we have gotten to know each other on such a personal level.

Thank you all.

Now, Let’s get back to the laughter.

Much love,

Erin Cooper Reed

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 1 Comment

Petals of Progress

You are a work in progress.
You are not what you have
been told you are.
You are not the total sum
of all of your bad experiences,
or even your mistakes.

Like a dormant seed,
All you are,
All you’ve been through,
All the uncertainty,
You’ve buried deep in your soul,
is waiting until the climate is right.

You are exactly
where you need to be.
And all your fears,
And all your pain,
All your doubts,
And all your sorrow,
are the barren seeds,
that slowly take root.

Out of your pain,
grows the strength of the stem.
Your fears produce the bud
which surrounds you with
new found confidence.
Your every doubt,
And every sorrow,
unfolds from the bud
developing into
fresh new petals of
love, creativity, joy and hope.

Through strife
grows your
inner most beauty,
which produces
your greatest potential.

Like a flower
blossoms in Spring,
You flourish into
more than you ever

dreamed you could be

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 8 Comments

In Spite of All the Rain

I left an abusive marriage.

I’m strong and I’m free.

Have to get on with my life,

figure out who I’m supposed to be.

Still I can’t help but notice,

that something’s not quite working.

I’m struggling to find myself,

a midst damage so deep, that it’s still lurking.

So accustomed to living in turmoil,

no time to focus on all the things I feel.

When they begin to surface,

they are as sharp, as they are real.

I never would have imagined,

that what you leave, is also what you take.

And all the good intention,

does not a perfect person make.

I’m well aware of my issues;

anger, guilt, low self-esteem.

Slowly, counseling is helping me,

release my inner scream.

Deep inside how do I justify,

all the degrading things that I’ve been told.

And compensate for so much lost time,

when I know I’m getting old.

So much hurt ingrained in me,

only I can work through the pain.

By looking for the rainbow,

in spite of all the rain.

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 6 Comments

Parental Alienation

The foundation poured, the groundwork laid,

Well before you left.

Being stripped of parental authority,

Is the worst kind of theft.

Yelling orders at the children,

Your abuser has the upper hand,

Powerless you stand and watch,

As they heed his every command.

He turns your children against you,

Until you can hardly cope.

Your mother’s love, says don’t give up,

You hang onto your hope.

You finally leave, get custody.

The children are angry and sad.

You listen to their endless chant,

“We want to live with dad!”

And everything that happens,

In your home and in your life,

Is reported and distorted, though

You’re no longer their father’s wife.

The children devour the twisted spin,

He puts on your every word,

Your life becomes hell, as they rebel,

The entire situation absurd!

He convinces the children,

A break from you,

Is a well deserved vacation.

But what they are experiencing,

Is called “Parental Alienation.”

He says, “You’ll get to see the kids.”

The days, the weeks crawl by.

And it becomes apparent,

On his word you can’t rely.

What if it takes years,

Before they even heal from this pain?

Will it forever affect your relationship?

Your fears drive you insane.

Your only hope is that the court,

Will figure it all out.

But in the meantime your heart aches,

Your head is full of doubt.

You spend all your time “Nesting”,

Readying your home,

For when your children come back,

But for now you’re all alone.

While in a store,

A small voice, shouts out for his “Mom”,

Your emotions soar, you turn to look,

Trying to remain calm.

This occurs so frequently,

It’s such a mental game,

You try to resist answering back,

Calling out your child’s name.

Of course it’s not your child,

And you begin to cry.

How could he keep your children from you?

And the endless question, why?

The thought that keeps on churning,

Your deepest, darkest fear,

You’ll never see your children again,

And they won’t even care.

You can’t stop thinking of them,

You lie awake in bed,

Are they happy, safe and cared for?

Are they healthy and well fed?

If you’ve never been there,

It’s so hard to explain,

Estranged from your own children,

Yet in your heart they still remain.

And yet it is so common,

It happens everyday,

Using innocent children,

For control, to get his way.

The damage to the children,

Runs so very deep,

Pains them for a lifetime,

Into their words and actions it will creep.

So if you are a parent,

Going through divorce,

Hear my words, your child’s life,

Needs a stable, loving course.

“Children need the love of BOTH parents.”

This is tried and true,

Children deserve nothing less,

Than the BEST of BOTH OF YOU!

Posted on April 9, 2017April 9, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com

Surrender

My children are angry,

they yell, cuss and fight.

Won’t respond to my reasoning,

say I’m wrong and they’re right.

They place blame on each other,

it’s an ongoing war.

From threatening to hitting,

to slamming their door.

Can’t get them to cooperate,

they won’t listen to me.

I’m living in chaos,

as stressed as can be.

When I try to discipline,

they don’t even hear it.

Disrespect and name calling,

I can no longer bear it!

The most heartbreaking thing,

the ironic part…

I left an abusive marriage,

to get a fresh start.

“Not doing my homework.”

“Can we go to the mall?”

“My parents have split,

nothing matters at all!”

I’m at my wits end,

what I’m doing isn’t working.

As I’m losing ground,

they’re standing there, smirking.

All the love I can give them,

won’t fix this mess.

Have to find a solution,

can’t settle for less.

I have an idea though seemingly, slight,

I’m giving up the battle,

done joining their plight.

Not sure how this happened,

through pure luck or exhaustion.

I take the first step,

proceeding with caution.

I’m all out of options.

I’m not gonna lie.

Nothing else has worked,

so I’ll give this a try.

I make a decision to change,

it’s all I can do.

Where this is leading,

I haven’t a clue.

The children are puzzled,

but continue to test.

My new calm demeanor,

puts some issues to rest.

Hey, maybe this is working,

and I’ll finally know,

if my parenting skills

are starting to flow.

And to my surprise,

the tide starts to turn.

With some wind in my sails,

I’m ready to learn.

I gradually start,

implementing a plan.

My confidence soars,

I’m my own biggest fan.

Although saving the children,

was my only intention.

the ways I helped myself,

are too many to mention.

In retrospect now,

it’s so easy to see.

To transform my children,

first I have to change me.

Posted on April 8, 2017April 8, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 11 Comments

Questioning The Content of Women’s Magazines (Here is a speech I gave in 2014)

	What Topics Are Important to Women in Magazines and Who Decides?
Speaking of Women Speech – Monroe, Connecticut 2014

This is a controversial post especially because I am a writer, yet I stand by my statements below. Women deserve better and more intelligent content. Trust us, we can handle it.

The other day, my very sweet, 84-year-old neighbor Madeline gave me a stack of magazines she thought I might enjoy reading. As a divorced Mom of 3 boys, I don’t have a whole lot of time to read but I appreciated the gesture and graciously accepted the magazines. I shuffled through the neatly stacked pile of current, consecutive issues of “Woman’s World Magazine.” Woman’s World Magazine was started in 1988 and is a weekly supermarket magazine aimed at a target audience of middle-class moms. It has held the title of most popular newsstand magazine, and continues to be the best-selling women’s publication with a circulation of 1.5 million readers, generating $15 million in annual revenue. Curiously, I scanned the magazine covers looking for articles of interest, wondering what topics are important to women in 2014. Here are just a few…

REVERSE SKIN AGING WITH PEANUT BUTTER!

MELT 12 LBS WITHOUT DIETING!

FOODS THAT STOP SKIN AGING!

MELT FAT! BURN OFF 6 LBS THIS WEEKEND!

MASSAGE SECRETS THAT MAKE HAIR GROW!

BEAT YOUR “FAT GENE!”

LOOK YOUNGER AND SLIMMER!

MASSAGE AWAY AGING!

LOSE 75 LBS WITH DR OZ!

CURE HAIR LOSS!

LOSE YOUR BELLY! MELT OFF 53 LBS!

5-MINUTE FACELIFT!

ULTRA-SLIMMING DIET SOUP! LOSE 8 LBS A WEEK!

THINNING HAIR SPECIAL!

RELEASE BELLY FAT!

STYLING TRICKS THAT HIDE THINNING HAIR!

DRINK RED WINE AND LOSE 30 LBS! (I think I’ll have to check into that!)

And my favorite….BETTER THAN DIET PILLS! MELT OFF 152 LBS!!! I Googled the average weight of the American woman…160lbs. So, the “BETTER THAN DIET PILLS” diet would basically get you back to your original birth weight of 8 LBS. It’s no wonder there are so many articles about hair loss and thinning hair!

And last, but not least, the insightful article entitled:

“SURPRISE DISCOVERY, EASY FIX: WHY YOU’RE SO TIRED!”

Well, I’m exhausted just reading that!

It saddens me to think that these are the topics, the issues, that encompass being a woman in a “Woman’s World” today.

The local news media paints a different picture of current woman’s issues…

On March 22, 2014, in Bridgeport Connecticut, Tinese Benson was found on her bathroom floor, fatally stabbed by her boyfriend. She leaves behind a young son.

On April 25th, 2014 in Milford Connecticut, 16-year-old Jonathan Law High School student, Maren Sanchez was stabbed to death by a male classmate, just hours before her junior prom.

On May 7th, 2014, Lori Gellatly’s estranged husband entered her parents home in Oxford Connecticut at 5:30AM, armed with a gun. Lori Gellatly was killed and her mother, Merry Jackson, was seriously injured in a double shooting…the day before Lori’s husband’s restraining order hearing.

During a domestic dispute on July 6th, 2014, Kiromy Fontanez was shot and killed by her boyfriend. Her 5-year-old daughter was in the home at the time of the shooting.

On September 8^th, 2014, a video surfaces of Baltimore Ravens running back, Ray Rice delivering a crushing blow to Janay Palmer’s face, knocking her out cold.

These are just a few examples of the thousands of heartbreaking, senseless, violent crimes against women in our society. As a survivor of domestic violence, these stories sit with me like a lead weight in my stomach. I find myself carrying them in my thoughts and in my heart the entire day. And I ask myself, “What’s wrong with this world? What’s happening in our society and our schools? What’s changed?”

Maybe the question isn’t what has changed…but how can we change it? Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” I love that! I have even posted it on my Facebook. Click. Share. Maybe you have too. But how do we accomplish changing the world? It seems like a tall order and an insurmountable task. Now, I’m not claiming to know the answer, but I do know, all great change begins with one small step.

After leaving an abusive marriage, 4 years ago, I found my life swirling in turmoil. In the year and a half leading up to my divorce, my abuser sent me over 2,000 text messages, called my place of employment, stalked me and harassed my family. It took me 3 attempts to obtain a restraining order and I quickly filled an entire milk create with forms and court documents. Fearful, stressed and in dire straights financially, I pushed myself to make the phone calls, get to the appointments, fill out the endless paperwork, attend the court dates and find a pro bono attorney. The system that is currently in place to help victims of domestic violence left me feeling like I had another full-time job. Frustrated and depleted from the entire experience, I knew there had to be a better way, that something had to change. The Family Justice Center is the solution to changing a far too complicated system.

By offering services under one roof, The Family Justice Center is a not only going to change lives, it’s going to save lives. Statistically, Family Justice Centers increase victim safety, increase prosecution of offenders, and reduce homicides. It is time to unite our resources, whether it be the police, political officials and or community based advocates to streamline the steps it takes for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault to obtain restraining orders, acquire civil legal services, get counseling, advocacy, education, empowerment, emotional support, shelter, safety, employment planning and child care.

Ironically, all of the articles featured on the covers of Woman’s World magazine are about change…changing your hair, changing your diet, changing your weight. Now, I’m not suggesting that Woman’s World Magazine should feature cover stories about domestic violence, but the fact that they continue to publish and sell a magazine that consists of a variation of the same articles week after week for 26 years, confirms that their avid readers aren’t successfully making the changes this publication boasts of. Maybe we as readers all innately know that superficial changes aren’t the changes that matter, or the changes that Mahatma Gandhi spoke of.

The next time you turn on your television, or car radio and hear, or read in the newspaper or online, yet another horrific story of domestic violence…if you find yourself carrying it like a dark cloud and if you’ve asked yourself the same questions that I have, “What’s wrong with this world? What’s changed?” take a minute to think about how you can “be the change.” Maybe, you’ll talk to your son about how he should treat women, or explain to your daughter that love is respect, or maybe you’ll be inspired to call The Center for Family Justice and volunteer your time, or ask a co-worker how she got that bruise on her face…or maybe, you’ll take that one small step and forgo your morning Starbucks coffee, or latest magazine purchase and make a donation in that amount, to a local domestic violence organization in the name of yet another, Tinese Benson, Maren Sanchez, Lori Gellatly, Merry Jackson, Kiromy Fontanez or Janay Palmer…

And maybe, you will never know the lives your small gesture changed, or the people who you helped….or maybe, you’ll find that a family member, co-worker, friend or neighbor benefited from the best domestic violence services available, like The Family Justice Center, and you’ll be glad you did.

Posted on April 7, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 1 Comment

Why Is It So Dark?

These days, I’m mostly resting in bed with a book or a computer on my lap. I tore a ligament in my knee eleven days ago and this has become my new norm. My boys come in and out of my bedroom often, with questions or just to see how I’m doing.

And, yes they yell “Mom!” from the bottom of the stairs that lead to the third floor when they want to ask me something but they’re too lazy to make the trek.

My son, Kevin is here for a visit from Long Island. I am always happy to see him, but this ultimately leads to late nights for all of my boys.

Last night was one of those nights.

Today when my fifteen year old son, Marc returned from school, he was so tired that he went straight to bed. Kevin and Rocky went out and John went to visit his mother after he had finished preparing dinner.

Finally, peace and quiet.

I read for a while then decided to take a short nap.

I awoke to the sounds of the shower running. It is not abnormal for my boys to shower at whatever time of the day or night that the desire hits them.

I glanced at the clock, 7:00 PM.

I picked up my book and started to read, then paused as I saw Marc pass by in the hallway and disappear into his bedroom.

I went back to my book.

A few minutes later I saw Marc exit his bedroom, fully dressed and then I heard his sneakered footsteps going down the stairs. I called out to him, “Marc where are you going?”

No reply.

There were some banging sounds coming from the kitchen below. Then Marc yelled up, “Mom, there is chicken and rice on the stove but where is the low carb chicken that John said he would make for me?”

(Note: My three boys are constantly pairing workouts with all sorts of different diets and it’s enough to drive anyone who does the grocery shopping and the cooking right over the edge. This week Marc is going to the gym and eating a low carb diet…translation, there will be no protein left in the house for anyone else.)

“Marc, I can’t go down the stairs. You’re going to have to look around and find the separate meal that John made for you.” I yelled loudly, so that Marc could hear me.

Five minutes later Marc was back in my room. “I can’t find it. Can you Google how many carbs there are in rice?”

I grabbed my phone.

“Forty-six grams.” I stated

Marc replied, “Can’t have that.” and went back downstairs.

(Sigh. Insert eye roll here.) Back to my book.

Then, from the floor below, “Mom, Can you call John and ask him where he put my chicken?”

God forbid this kid ingests a piece of rice. I sent John a text about the location of Marc’s chicken. He immediately replied.

“Marc,” I yelled, “Your grilled chicken with a side of vegetables is in the oven.” (I know, who would have thought to look there.)

Time to reread the same sentence in this book that I read four times before.

Some time passed before Marc was back in my room. I assumed he was downstairs eating his dinner.

I asked, “So, how was your chicken?”

“I packed it.” Marc stated

Before I could ask why he packed his dinner, Marc stared out the window, looking confused. It was then that I noticed that he was wearing a lightweight jacket.

“Mom, why is it so dark?” Marc asked

“What do you mean, why is it so dark? It’s 7:45 PM.” I said

“It is? I just got up and got ready for school. Didn’t you hear me in the shower? And, I packed my own lunch.” Marc said

“Well, if it was twelve hours from now, you actually would have made the bus!” I laughed

Marc sighed and walked out of the room. I guess he didn’t find it as amusing as I did. Let’s see if he can make the bus on time tomorrow…

My life, I swear…

Posted on April 6, 2017April 6, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 2 Comments

For the Love of Sharks

My son Rocky grew up loving sharks. I mean, he was obsessed with them from the time he could talk.

And he talked about them constantly.

He watched every shark movie that he could get his hands on and Shark Week was a major event in our home. One day I came across a bundle of shark post cards at a gift shop that featured a photo of a different shark on the front of each one, with facts about the shark on the back.

Rocky carried these cards around with him like a bible.

He talked about sharks incessantly, until I thought that my head was going to explode but I have to say that he did become very knowledgeable about all of the different kind of sharks…

…the Hammerhead, the Sand Shark, the Tiger Shark, the Great White, the Angel Shark, the Shortfin Mako, the Bull Shark, the Whitetip Reef Shark…

He knew them by sight and he knew the facts about all of them.

It was actually quiet impressive, so I lightened up on worrying about the degree of his obsession.

Until one night, Rocky came to me with a large grin and said, “Mommy, I have shark teeth!”

“Shark teeth?” I asked, “What do you mean that you have shark teeth?”

With that Rocky opened his mouth.

Sure enough, there behind his two, lower, front teeth was a second row of teeth.

I was panicked.

Did I mention that at the time I worked for a dental practice?

Well, I did.

The next morning, (a bit embarrassed for not noticing my son’s “Shark Teeth” earlier) I brought Rocky right in to see one of the dentists that I worked for.

This dentist happened to be newly out of dental school. I think that she was afraid of my 7-year-old feeling any pain…so she loaded up on the anesthetic…not one, not two, but three carpules of Novocaine.

The baby teeth came out with ease and the dentist ensured me that Rocky’s adult teeth would move forward, right into place.

The dentist was nice enough to let me leave work to drive Rocky a few blocks to his elementary school. I knew that I would have to be quick so I could get back in time for my first patient.

As we entered the school, Rocky said, “Mommy, my lip feels weird.”

I glanced at Rocky’s swollen lower lip. It was so taut and red that it appeared as if he was wearing lipstick.

“Okay honey,” I replied “We’ll stop at the nurses office and get you an ice pack.”

We were a bit late by the time we got into Rocky’s classroom.

Everyone turned and stared.

The teacher took one glance at Rocky and asked with concern, “Is everything okay?”

I replied, “Yes…he just had two of his baby teeth pulled.”

Rocky slowly removed the ice pack to expose his red, swollen, lower lip.

The teacher gasped, looked at me and asked, “Mrs. Reed, you do know that today is school picture day, don’t you?”

(That’s a hockey joke for when my boy, Rocky reads this)

“Well…he can just take the make up photo.” I stated, “Can’t he?”

The teacher replied, “We have to take the photo today because the school needs one to go with Rocky’s permanent record for this school year.”

Rocky shot me a bewildered look.

The teacher waited for my reply.

“Okay…” I said sheepishly, as I gave Rocky a supportive hug and a kiss before leaving.

I thought about my poor son the entire day that day, and the school photos.

I felt terrible but there was nothing I could do about it.

As parents, we buy the school photo no matter what it cost or how bad it looks.

That’s just the way it is.

We love our children more than life itself…

but we don’t have to love the photo, or the ridiculous circumstances that led up to it.

That is just part of being a parent.

*Photo credit Disney, Finding Nemo

Posted on April 5, 2017April 6, 2017 by mylifeiswear.com · 13 Comments

Time to Drop the Blogging B.O.M.B.

Wait! Don’t take cover yet. I promise that no one is going to get hurt.

I don’t have an actual bomb…I’m just using the word bomb, so you can all relax.

According to Urban Dictionary, here is the top definition of the word

BOMB

(before 1997) Something really bad; a failure
(after 1997) Something considered excellent and/or the best (uses modifier “the”) “the bomb”

So I guess based on the above, this post could go either way. We all want to have a blog reflective of definition #2. Hell, we all want to have a life reflective of definition #2, so even if you’re not a blogger, please read on.

Seeing that it’s 2017, I’ve decided to go with the post 1997 definition and drop my blogging B.O.M.B.

Basics

Beliefs

THREE BASICS OF MY BELIEFS ON BLOGGING

Accomplishment – Nothing feels better in life or motivates and propels you forward like accomplishment. Blogging requires a lot of time and commitment. The more you blog, the more you want to blog. Momentum in life is everything. Just keep moving forward with your eye on your goal no matter what.
Community – There is certainly no happiness in going it all alone. The blogging community is a virtual world of knowledge and inspiration. Just like life, you need to make connections and build relationships to enrich your experience and grow as a writer, as well as a person.
Perspective – I started out thinking that I was writing for myself. What I learned is that writing for others to share your perspective, your ideas, your humor and your thoughts is a way of giving of yourself and giving back. The sooner you give up any self-doubt, ego or competitive nature the easier it will be to find (and truly own) your unique voice and share it with the world.

I’ll leave you with this quote by Colin Powell

Blogging is a journey. Have patience and enjoy the ride,