City Fish

The restaurant I work for gets their fish delivered fresh daily.

Everyday at 11:00 a.m. the phone rings.

Everyday, including Sunday, and they call at 11:00 a.m. like clockwork.

You can count on it.

I answer the restaurant line to hear a voice on the other end say, “City Fish!”

“Good morning, City Fish!” I reply.

“Just calling to see if you need anything today.” The voice on the other end of the line states.

“Hold on.” I say, as I walk into the restaurant’s kitchen with the phone to my ear.

“City Fish!” I announce. The chef stares at me as if the idea City Fish is calling to get our order comes as a shock to him.

The kitchen staff begins scrambling through the coolers and discussing what we may need to order.

I wait.

The man from City Fish waits.

To break up the dead air I say, “You know, maybe if you called at the same time everyday, we would be prepared for this.”

I hear him laugh into the phone.

Finally, we manage to get our order together and I am able to repeat it and hang up the phone.

The following morning at 11:00 a.m. the phone rings.

“City Fish!” I hear a voice say as I pick up the phone.

“Good Morning City Fish!” I reply, “Let me get to the kitchen.”

“Guys, City Fish!” I call out, as everyone stands like deer in headlights.

“One minute.” The chef states, as the usual conversation and commotion among the staff ensues.

“Okay, we’re working on it now.” I say with a laugh, “Do you like to fish?”

“Yes, I do.” Replies the man on the phone.

To kill some time I ask, ” Have you every heard Brad Paisley’s fishing song, “I’m Gonna Miss Her?”

In the background, the kitchen staff is flustered, talking and opening and closing cooler doors, trying to figure out our order.

I can do a pretty good southern drawl as I begin to sing into the phone…

Well I love her
And I love to fish
I spend all day out on this lake
And hell is all I catch
Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin’ hole today
She’d be packin’ all her things
And she’d be gone by noon
Well I’m gonna miss her
When I get home
But right now I’m on this lake shore
And I’m sittin’ in the sun
I’m sure it’ll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I’m gonna miss her
Oh, looky there, I’ve got a bite!
By the time I finish two verses, the guy from City Fish is laughing his ass off.
“Do you get sung to by all of your customers?” I ask.
“No, that was a first!” He replies, with a chuckle.
I give him our order and we end our call.
I know I’ll be ready to talk to him again tomorrow, at precisely 11:00 a.m.
As for the kitchen staff, well, I’m not so sure…
I’m guessing I may have to provide some more “Live” hold music.
And, you know what?
That’s okay.
Life is too short not to have fun!


A Valentine’s Day Twist (As Told From the Perspective of Your Waitress)

I’ve worked in a restaurant most of my life. I enjoy people and serving the public. Doing so has helped me to develop amazing interpersonal skills and also an array of great stories. Through the years, Valentine’s Day has been a busy holiday and a standard couples night out.

Walking into any restaurant on Valentine’s Day, you’ll be sure to see tables filled with adorable couples, blissfully in love, sharing a bottle of wine. How romantic, right? Wait, maybe you’re not seeing the entire picture, like I am…your local waitress.

Allow me to give you the inside scoop…

Filet mignon, lobster tails, baked stuffed shrimp, rack of lamb, flowing drinks, roses and intimate conversation like this…

Table 2:

Me: “Here’s your appetizer,” as I set down the plate. “Jumbo shrimp cocktail.”

Wife to me: “Thank you.”

Wife to husband: “MY mother gave ME the money and if I want to buy a new ottoman, I’ll buy a new ottoman!”

Husband: Frowning, “Whatever you want dear.”

Oh boy, I think.

Table 3: 

Me: “Hi. Excuse me.”

Couple: No response

Nevermind, these two need to go and get a room, I think.

Table 1:

Husband: “Excuse me. Can I get another drink?”

Me: “Yes.” I reply, thinking that’s his third one.

Table 4:

Me: “Hi! Can I get you something to drink?”

Female guest: “Yes, a…glass of pinot grigio.”

Oh God. She’s crying, I say to myself.

It’s peak dinner time and the house is packed. I bring table 2 their entrees and they’re arguing. I return to table 4 and realize that his date has left as he places an order for himself, while looking embarrassed.

This night is a mess, I think. Well, it couldn’t possibly get any worse.

As I’m at the computer entering an order, the wife at table 1 gets up to use the lady’s room. Moments later I feel someone pulling at my apron near the side of my  waist.

Drunk guy from table 1: “Hey, beautiful! What are you doing later?”

This guy’s wife is in the lady’s room. You have got to be kidding me.

Valentine’s Day is full of hope and expectation of the perfect romantic evening, the perfect connection. In my perspective, you can’t conjure up that romance or that connection. Valentine’s Day isn’t about doing what’s expected or trying to show your love one night out of the year, it’s about celebrating your love every day of the year.

Whether you spend Valentine’s Day out at a fancy restaurant, or home in your pj’s eating chinese food and watching Netflix, give the one you love the best you have to offer…every single day.

Happy Valentine’s Day!


Your local waitress


What is your favorite Valentine’s Day story? Share it here.