Toes on the dashboard, wind in my hair, radio on, I love a road trip…even in a big old moving van.

John and I drove as far as Virginia.

We located a hotel, moderately priced, yet surprisingly brand new.

Perfect.

John loves to cook so we went shopping for a feast, some crab legs, vegetables and potatoes. What the hell. We had made it this far and it was time to relax.

We entered the exquisite hotel lobby and checked in.

Our room was perfect, nicely decorated and clean with a small kitchen featuring all brand new appliances.

This was going to be a great night consisting of beautiful  surroundings, a delicious meal and some well deserved alone time before we returned to the grind.

I slipped into something comfortable. (Does that sound cliché?)

Actually it was a pair of comfy pajama bottoms, a t-shirt, a clip in my hair and some happy to be bare, feet.

I started unpacking some of our belongings. “Maybe I’ll take a shower,” I shouted to John.

“Okay, babe.” he said, “Go ahead and I”ll start dinner.”

I walked into the bathroom to find…several flies. Gross.

“John, there are flies in here!” I yelled, “I’m going to the front desk.”

“Okay babe.” John replied, “Whatever you want to do.”

I exited our room and walked my bare feet through the plush lobby carpet and right up to the front desk.

“Good evening.” the desk clerk smiled, as she gave my outfit and bare feet a quick once over.

“Hi.” I said, “There are flies in our bathroom.”

“Flies?” She questioned.

“Yes,” I said. “I hate flies and we’re about to make dinner.”

The clerk left the desk and returned with some insect spray.

I thanked her and headed back to our room.

John was already engrossed in preparing our meal. I gave him a kiss and headed straight into the bathroom and began to spray.

“What are you doing?” John yelled, “That smells gross and I’m trying to cook.”

“Getting rid of these flies.” I said.

“Babe, don’t worry about the flies right now,” John said.

“I can’t stay here with flies! I think I got them.” I yelled, between coughs.

“Why don’t you just relax and read a book or something.” John suggested, “I’m going to make you an amazing meal.”

“Okay, good idea,” I said in agreement.

I grabbed a book out of my suitcase, laid down on the bed and turned on the light.

“This light bulb is out.” I said, “I’m going back to the front desk to get one.”

“Okay, babe.” John sighed, “Whatever you want.”

I made my way back through the hotel lobby and up to the front desk clerk.

“Were you able to get rid of the flies?” the desk clerk asked.

“Oh, yes. I did,” I replied, “We have a light bulb that’s out.”

The desk clerk rubbed her eyes and said, “So you need a light bulb?”

“Yes, I do. John is cooking us dinner and I’m going to read.”

“Oh, good.” She said, not sounding too happy. “I’ll get you a light bulb and bring it to your room.”

“Thank you,” I replied, “I appreciate that.”

When I got back to the room, John was busy with dinner.

“Did you get the light bulb?” he asked.

“No, I have to wait for her to bring it.”

“Why don’t you just relax, open that bottle of wine and pour us each a glass,” John suggested. “You’ll need some ice because it’s not cold.”

“Okay,” I said, “No problem.”

I grabbed two glassed out of the cabinet. These will do.

There was a knock at the door. I opened the freezer and a landslide of ice cubes poured into the kitchen covering the floor.

I slid on the ice and almost fell as I opened the door to our room a tiny crack.

It was the front desk clerk.

“I have your light bulb.”

“Thank you,” I said, as the ice machine spit more ice cubes onto the floor.

“Um, our ice machine seems to be broken. Can you please bring me a broom and dustpan?” I asked.

The front desk clerk looked stressed but tried a form a smile. “Sure, I’ll be right back.”

I struggled to finally shut the door.

I couldn’t shower.

I couldn’t read.

I couldn’t drink warm wine.

I decided I’d load the dishwasher with all of the things that John was finished using in the kitchen.

The front desk clerk returned with the broom and dustpan and was knocking at the door.

I opened the door to let her in and she offered to help me clean up all of the ice cubes.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said, as I went to the dishwasher to load all of the things that I had gathered that needed to be washed. As soon as I placed the items into the top rack, the dishwasher came loose from under the cabinet and tipped forward onto the kitchen floor.

We all burst out laughing. How could you not?

“I guess the top of the dishwasher isn’t screwed into the cabinet.” The front desk clerk surmised.

“I guess not!” I laughed, “Would you like to stay for some crab legs?”

“I love crab legs!” the desk clerk replied.

That night we sat and broke the crab legs with the bottom of a metal pan that we found in the cabinet. We didn’t have a nutcracker.

It was ten o’clock at night by the time we finally ate.

The wine was warm, but the company was good.

My Life I Swear!

And, that was just the beginning of this crazy ride that John and I have been on for the past 5 years.

In retrospect, it’s nothing in comparison to what happened next.

Want more?

Stay tuned!

There’s always more…